hold your head high, heavy heart
by prettypinklips
Summary: "She leans against the counter beside him, and he wonders if she knows how tempting she is in her low-rise jeans and one of his old t-shirts. She must know, because she leans closer to him and he catches a faint whiff of her vanilla perfume." mikaela/lennox, au.


**hold your head high, heavy heart**

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"I need a place to stay." she tells him, leaning against the door frame of his front door, hair hanging in a lopsided ponytail.

He scrutinizes her for a moment, taking in her red eyes and her chapped lips. She's been crying, and recently, by the looks of it. He'd seen the telltale signs enough on his ex-wife to know when a woman's hit her breaking point. So, he steps aside, and she ducks under his arm.

"Why here, Mikaela?" Will asks as she sits down on his couch, smoothing her hands over the stained fabric. She's a dark contrast to the plush cream color of the furniture.

"I thought—I mean, I think you're the only person I can trust." she says, grabbing a strand of her hair and twisting it around her index finger. "I would stay with my dad, but he's—he's lifting again." she shakes her head like she can't believe it, "He set up a fucking chop shop in our garage. I can't deal with that."

Lennox crosses his arms over his chest, "Sam?" he questions.

Mikaela bites her lip, eyes glazing over, "Sam changed his mind." she finally says. She looks down then, and he's not sure what to say.

It's quiet for a moment, and then, "You hungry? I was just about to order pizza."

She perks up, "Pepperoni?"

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"It's weird, seeing you in jeans." she says, ripping a piece of pepperoni off of her pizza and popping it into her mouth.

Lennox cracks a smile, "Yeah, I guess it is. I like my Air Force scrubs better." he says, taking a bite of his pizza.

Mikaela's eyes rake over him, gaze hovering on his bare ring finger. "Where's your wife?" she asks, tilting her head.

He blows out a breath, letting out a strangled laugh, "Good question." he mutters.

Her eyes light with understanding, and she lowers her eyes to her plate, "I'm sorry." she murmurs softly, tugging on a strand of her hair.

He shakes his head, "Don't be. I guess I—I guess I just got too caught up in work. She didn't like me being gone so much. Couldn't hack it." he leans back against the couch, tilting his beer back and guzzling it. "Said I was too proud, too Air Force manufactured." he shakes his head in disbelief.

Mikaela looks offended, "You were _saving the world._" she says, outrage creeping into her voice.

He shrugs, "Wasn't as important as raising my daughter or keeping her happy, I guess."

"If you wouldn't have stepped up, there wouldn't be a world to raise your daughter in."

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Two days later, when she's shacked up in the guest room, filling the drawers of the dressers with all of her things, he finds her sitting out on the porch, watching the sky. "I always think more of them are gonna fall." she says when he sits down beside her.

"More Autobots?"

She nods, "Yeah. I'm always on the lookout, waiting for the world to come close to ending. _Again._"

Lennox lets out an understanding laugh, "Makes you bitter, huh?"

Mikaela licks her lips, "Like you couldn't imagine."

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"It was weird...how he could just walk out the door and not look back after we'd been through so much together." Mikaela shakes her head, leaning her head down between her legs. Her elbows rest delicately on her knees. She's sitting on the edge of his bed, and it's two in the morning.

Will puts his arms behind his head, and listens to her talk. "Sometimes I think it's because I wasn't good enough, but most of the time I just wonder why. Wonder why he didn't stay, you know?" she lifts her head back up, and flings herself back onto his bed. She lands beside him, and rolls onto her side to look at him. "He didn't even tell me what I did wrong." she whispers.

She's twenty years old, and her heart's already been trampled on enough, so he says, "You didn't do anything wrong, Mikaela. Sometimes things don't work out, okay? And there's nothing any of us can do to stop it from falling apart." he can tell she knows he's not just talking about her and Sam anymore. "Sometimes you've just gotta let go of the past, and move on."

"I love him." she murmurs. It's not an argument, but a statement. She's not expecting him to say anything back, but he nods anyway.

Then, Lennox says, "Sometimes love isn't enough."

He thinks both of them might know that more than anyone.

Mikaela gives him a bitter smile. "Sorry I woke you up." she says, and then she's standing up and going to her own room.

It takes him three minutes to realize he misses having someone on the other side of the bed.

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"When are you going back out there?" she asks him the next morning.

He glances up from his cereal. "Where?"

"When are you gonna go Air Force it up?" she asks, snagging his bowl of Lucky Charms and helping herself. She leans against the counter beside him, and he wonders if she knows how tempting she is in her low-rise jeans and one of his old t-shirts. She must know, because she leans closer to him and he catches a faint whiff of her vanilla perfume.

"I don't know. As soon as I can." he takes his cereal back, "The sooner I get out of here, the better."

"Is it worth it? Giving up years and years of your life?" she asks, tilting her head.

Will nods. "Yeah. I'm—I'm a hero, you know? I get to tell my daughter I saved the world, not once, but three times." he grins, and she grins with him, "How many dad's get to say that?"

Mikaela smiles at him. "Not many, I'm guessing."

They stand there for awhile, just smiling at each other, and then she cracks the silence, "I'm going apartment hunting, so I'll catch you later."

She turns to leave, but hovers at the back door. "Lennox?" she murmurs, and he looks at her. She brushes a strand of hair behind her ear, and says, "You're a great dad."

The back door bangs closed behind her, and he hears her car start up. He kind of wants to call her and tell her he doesn't want her to move out, that he likes her company, but he doesn't.

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His ex-wife drops their daughter off while Mikaela's out looking for an apartment. He watches her drive away, and he can't remember why he married her. He wonders how she had let _them_ go so easily. It doesn't make sense to him.

He takes Anabelle's hand and leads her inside. She sits on the living room floor, pulling all kinds of toys out of her pink Disney princess bag and showing them to him with a gleeful smile.

This never gets old.

Hours later, Mikaela opens the front door, calling, "Will, I'm home!" she shuts the door, turning and seeing him on the ground, Anabella pinning him with her chubby little hands. She smiles.

(It takes him a moment to realize she had said 'home'.)

"Hey, Anabelle." she greets, "Whatcha doin'?"

"Wrestling." Anabelle says, giggling.

Mikaela grins, drops her bag on the couch, and just as she's about to sit, Anabelle jumps up, grabbing onto her knees and bringing her down beside them. She hits the ground, shock etched into her pretty features, and he starts to laugh.

Anabelle is giggling, and Mikaela's cheeks flush, and then she's over him, her knees on either side of his hips, and her and Anabelle are ganging up on him. Her nimble fingers tickle his sides, and he squirms, fighting laughter.

"Uncle!" he cries, "I give up!"

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Later, when Anabelle's finally gone to sleep, she laughs at him, "I never thought an Air Force lieutenant would be ticklish."

She presses a hand to her mouth to cover up her laughter when he glares at her.

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"Did you find a place?" he asks Mikaela, handing Anabelle her cereal.

Mikaela shakes her head, pouring milk into Anabelle's bowl and giving her a spoon, "Everything is a little bit, ah...out of my price range." she says, shrugging.

He doesn't make a comment, just hands her the box of cereal. He's sort of glad, in a way. He'd miss her constant jabbering.

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A smart man would have turned her down at the door. Sometimes he can't believe he let her into his house and into his guest room and into his life.

Other times, he wonders where she was when he needed her before.

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"I found a place!" she crows, shoving a piece of paper into his hands, all big smiles.

He looks down at the paper; it's an apartment, one bedroom, one bathroom, kitchen, living room. She's still smiling when he looks back up.

"Great," he lies, "the sooner we get you out of here the better."

She gets a mock offended look on her face, poking him in the chest with her index finger.

He's sort of attached to her. He doesn't want to see her go, but he can't think of anything that would make her stay.

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When it happens, he's not expecting it. He doesn't think she is, either.

They're packing up the guest room, taping over her boxes when he looks over at her. She's looking at him, biting her lip.

Three things happen simultaneously, then. The boxes are between them are shoved away. Her surprisingly warm hands are wrapped around the base of his neck. His are wrapped around her slim waist. He's sitting, legs strewn out, and she's straddling him. The look on her face tells him she doesn't know what just happened anymore than he does.

"Mik?" he murmurs, questioning.

"Len." she mocks.

He lets out a half smile, and leans up, slanting his mouth over hers. After that, it's all downhill. He stands slowly, grasping the back of her thighs and holding her tightly to him.

She lets out a shaky breath against his lips. He walks forwards, and they fall onto her bed. She's splayed out before him, hair up in a bun, t-shirt riding up her stomach.

She's twenty years old, and her heart's already been trampled on enough, so he slips between her legs, and kisses her again.

She makes a breathy noise in the back of her throat when his cold hand slips up her t-shirt, inching it higher and higher. "Jesus." she murmurs, letting out a giggle when he tickles her sides lightly.

She tugs at the ends of his t-shirt, and he complies, lifting it over his head and tossing it somewhere in the room. Her shirt follows, then her jeans, and everything else.

(He's glad Anabelle had been picked up that morning.)

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Later, he sloppily kisses her shoulder, trailing his fingers down her abdomen. Her eyes are shut, hair twisted and knotted, face turned towards him. He doesn't think she's ever been prettier.

"So...am I moving out?" she asks lightly, eyes still closed.

Will smiles a little. It's surprises him how much he smiles around her. "No." he finally says, "You're not going anywhere."

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**A/N:** This differentiates a lot from the Dark of the Moon movie verse, mostly 'cause Mikaela broke up with Sam, not the other way around, but eh OTP.


End file.
